Friday, March 28, 2014

Gag Me With a Spoon

Todd and Tanya won’t let me eat grapes! They tried to explain that grapes can be poisonous to dogs, some such bull about causing kidney failure, yada, yada, yada. They even made me watch an "educational" slide show on pets.WebMD

Please understand - I am usually willing to be a team player, but really??? Sometimes my humans are just a little too uppity about this stuff and need to be shown who’s the true boss in this household. So, when the opportunity arose, I struck! Nabbing a whole bowl of grapes off the kitchen counter was a piece of cake (but that’s yet another story) for me.
Unfortunately, I neglected to hide the evidence. My people panicked when they returned home to find empty grape stems scattered throughout the house. The next thing I know, Todd is prying my mouth open and Tanya is trying to choke me with a spoonful of who-knows-what. I promptly showed them that all that drama was completely unnecessary – just give me the damn spoon, I can drink this crap just fine without your help! (I later overheard that the who-knows-what crap was peroxide. Don’t tell them this, but personally, I found it quite delicious.)
But what happened after that REALLY pissed me off. I lost every one of those luscious grapes in three big pools of vomit. Not my most flattering moment. Even then, the situation could have been salvaged as all the grapes were still whole (I have to eat fast when it’s possible I'll get caught at any second) and I would have appreciated the chance to have another go at it. But oh no, faster than two scurrying squirrels Todd and Tanya destroyed the evidence of their wrongdoing. They told me later that my gulping the grapes down whole not only made clean-up easier, but was what most likely saved them a huge vet bill.  Well la-te-da, aren’t I just little Miss Considerate!
I spent the rest of the evening having a pity party for myself, causing Todd and Tanya to bribe me with tummy rubs and prime real estate on the couch. Believe me, I made them suffer right along with me.
Oh well, I may have made a mess of things (literally), but never mind, they still don’t know about the cake….

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