Forget the Candles, I Just Want Cake!

Happy Birthday to me.

Happy Birthday to me.

I am still more gorgeous, intelligent, funny, cute, and just plain adorable

Than any younger dog can hope to be. 

Today is my 12^th birthday. (For the arithmetically-challenged, that makes me 84 in human years.) Having served most of that time as a role model for other less gorgeous, intelligent, funny, cute, and adorable dogs, I thought I would use this momentous occasion to review a few of my many accomplishments of the past year, thus providing encouragement to the other canines (and frankly, humans) who may need motivation to achieve their own personal greatness. I have amassed a huge repertoire of feats in 2016. But humbleness is, of course, one of my plethora of fine traits. And so I will limit myself to a short list of highlights.

• I have scientifically verified (once again) that eating an entire loaf of whole grain bread significantly multiplies the bowel benefits of a high fiber diet.
• Even though I very clearly told Tanya and Todd that I do not intend to ever park my butt in that contraption they call a “crate”, I was forced to destroy the damn thing in order to successfully get my point across.
• I proved that an exceptional dog can eat a Ziploc sandwich bag of Hershey miniatures with little side effect other than pooping tin foil for three days. (Caution: I am a trained professional – DO NOT let your dog try this at home.)
• While Tanya and Todd seem to think that I have developed a touch of arthritis - au contraire. I am simply graciously giving tree-climbing squirrels a reprieve from my former high-jumping pursuit (geese however better run for their measly little lives).
• I have demonstrated numerous times that my mild case of cataracts can be easily overcome by my keen sense of smell. And so I remain the champ at fettering out any possible food left within my reach (see above).
• And most impressively, I continue to prove that you CAN teach an old dog new tricks – I graduated with honors from two weeks of intensive doggie boot camp! My trainer recognized my innate intelligence very quickly, but he reported to Tanya and Todd that I am stubborn. Duh, did he think they didn’t know that? Personally, I find it a source of honor. But the trainer’s most hilarious observation? He insisted that I am way too motivated by food.

I fail to see the problem.

Bring on that cake!