Oh forget this Bunny Foo-Foo crap! I can’t pretend any
longer. The ASPCA will probably yank my membership, but confess I must. I KILLED
a rabbit. There. I’ve said it. Hate me if you will. But I just couldn’t help
myself – hunting is an innate, inborn quality in Weimaraners. It is ingrained
in my very nature. I simply cannot be held responsible for my occasional acts
of random violence. I am born the lord of my lair, the queen of the backyard
jungle, the hunter extraordinaire. Be my victim beast or fowl, you must judge
me not guilty by reason of my basic
nature! (Damn, I knew co-opting Tanya’s nursing classes was a waste of time – I
should have gone to law school).
I thought Todd and Tanya understood all this. They seem
perfectly fine (although a little squeamish) when I rid the yard of pesky squirrels
and chipmunks (I once brought Tanya a lovely trophy and laid it right at her
feet – I know she just loved it. And,
while she turned a rather sickly shade of green, there was certainly no crying
over “Alvin”).
So honestly, I really don’t understand the whole Bugs
Bunny mentality. OH MY, touch a floppy-eared wad of bunny fluff and both fur
and shit go flying! Not only did Todd pry my jaws open and take the damn thing
away from me, but he and Tanya practically gave it a king’s burial after
apologizing profusely to its family members, who weren’t really wearing
expressions of mourning at all, but smirks at watching my undeserved humiliation.
In actuality, the fun is all in the hunt anyway. So, if
no one appropriately appreciates the depths of my skill then the wascally
wabbit has bested me nonetheless, just as he did Elmer Fudd, every time.
So fine. Given the poor reaction by my humans, and the
fact that yesterday was Bugs Bunny’s 75th birthday, I’ll do my best
to forget further dreams of rabbit stew.
For now…
Bugs Bunny at 75: http://time.com/3967572/bugs-bunny-75/
3 comments:
Gracie,
Don't you fret about the reaction from your staff (er, I mean people). They don't understand why us canines do some of the things we do. We try to tell them, but they just don't listen. Sure, they claim that they "do not understand dog", but we find that utter BS. Humans seem to have that selective hearing thing going on.
Your staff needs to recognize that the Weimaraner breed is something special. You are built for speed and tracking! You were giving a homage to your breed by taking out the rabbit. They should be proud of you and not disgusted by your canine actions. As you know, your ancestors hunted bear and deer, and since then, your breed has been refined to hunt much smaller creatures. Your staff should be thrilled that you only got a Bugs Bunny and not Bambi or Yogi Bear.
While we are mixed with sighthound breeds, we just do not have the drive that you do or that pure sighthounds do. Take my brother Orlando. He is part greyhound, Great Dane, and Plott Hound. Two MAJOR hound mixes, and Orlando won't go outside if there are too many birds in the yard. He is a pansy, I tell ya. A pansy. Then again, I don't care about other animals either.
Don't you worry your pretty little head about the temper tantrums that your staff may have had over the killing of Bugs. Rabbits are annoying anyway. If they continue to give you grief about it, tell them that you took it upon yourself to protect their landscaping from the incisors of Bugs and not to mention all the poop they leave (which, by the way, is a canine delicacy).
Woofs and licks,
McKayla and Orlando Huser
It is so affirming to hear from discriminating canines who truly understand my pain. Thank you for your words of encouragement. You are right - I shall stand firm with my head held high! And, I think I shall remind my staff to tread carefully - Bambi has indeed made more than one appearance in our yard...
Orlando would pee all over the place if Bambi appeared in our yard and probably need some type of psychological counseling. I love my brother, but he needs to grow a pair. Oh wait. The last pair he had were removed prior to mom and dad adopting him. I better not bring that up to him. Poor kid.
Maybe I need to get out there and be more like you. Though, I know for a FACT that my staff would lose their minds if I tried my paws out at hunting. Plus, that is just too much work. How do you do it? I like laying on all the cozy furniture, snuggling with a tennis ball, and watching old episodes of Ally McBeal.
You are a true inspiration, and one of these days, I will get off my furry butt and try to be just like Gracie. But...I will only do that when it is a boring episode of Ally McBeal.
Woofs and licks,
McKayla
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